An orange, gaping monster in the game Amnesia.

picture: Friction Games

It’s hard to know how to start talking about obsessive-compulsive disorder, the debilitating anxiety state that’s been making constant laps around my life for 14 years like a trembling koi fish and I’m the swampy backyard pond.

I can start with the facts – OCD, as the International OCD Foundation defines it, is a rotation of obsessions, “impulses that trigger unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images, or intense disturbing emotions,” and compulsions, “behaviors in which the individual engages in trying to get rid of the obsessions and/or reduce distress. ” For 14 years my OCD has upset me in creative ways, including trying to defile the only genre of horror video games I truly love (for example, to shatter).

Doesn’t matter, does it? Just video games. You can live a perfectly wonderful life without ever playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent if it upsets you. But, as I’ve grumbled to well-meaning adults and friends over the years, OCD, especially a regular person or bother unsatisfactory YouTube videos. You believe the only way to reduce anxiety is through uncontrollable, disturbing thoughts and time-consuming rituals when you are convinced.

That does not make sense. It’s a disorder. Some of the obsessions I’ve had over the years are: packaged food is poisonous, I could kill my boyfriend at any moment, typing the number 6 makes a demon possess me, applying winged eyeliner makes a demon possess me, I’ve got rabies. , I have brain eating amoebai have a brain tumor, playing scary video games causes a demon to possess me, i pee in my pants if i walk more than a block from my apartment.

Unlike someone who doesn’t have OCD, when an intrusive thought enters my head while I play Immortality, he tells me that watching the footage of the match dooms my soul to hell forever, I can’t throw it away. Because of my disorder, I am stuck with the absurd but alarming thought. I will i go to hell? Is there a demon in my bedroom? Am I possessed now? Is that why my hands go numb? Is that why my neck is getting a little stiff?

To cure the impure obsession, my instincts tell me to stop playing the game. Don’t talk about it, don’t read it. This is some kind of coercion expert avoiding the call. When I’m home alone, I make sure the stove is off before I go to sleep. But I do this, you know, five or six times, when I have to check calls for it. I walk into my bedroom in the dark, lay my head under the covers, and when I close my eyes I see my burnt, boiled face. So I go back to the oven in the dark, take pictures, shoot videos, say to myself “the oven’s off” out loud, and I’m still not convinced. OCD is not content with giving in. He totally wants you. A senseless ball of dust that rushes through you to take and defile your loved ones.

And I love the autumn wind, my friends, and scary video games, among many other things. my favorite games transmitted through blood, long lasting series, Resident Evil 7:…

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